This blog was originally my journey on getting and becoming pregnant. I had my first miscarriage around 11/17/11. but I didn't let it hold me back. I never thought about miscarriage my fear was always that I couldn't get pregnant. It took a while for my body to get back on track, but thanks to our faith and not giving up hope I got pregnant again and had a healthy baby girl on 1/14/13. I'll rant, talk about my fears, my struggles, the high points, and the lows. I'm a first time mom and would love any tips or help you can give.
I also just wanted to share a couple pictures!
Such a big kid already!
Always stealing my shoes.
We try to eat very healthy to stay healthy and avoid colds. We drink smoothies almost every morning filled with fruit, water, and sometimes leafy greens! You love them and that makes me happy. You also love to eat fish with me, we are still working on getting your father to eat fish.
I haven’t been on here in forever. Having a one year old is definitely keeping me busy to say the least. I try to spend most if not all of my time with my daughter. I don’t think many of my friends or family understand that. Especially not the ones who don’t have children or the ones who just got pregnant, like breathing air. I waited and prayed so hard for my daughter that I wouldn’t give up one minute with her for anything else. I love her with all of myself.
She just turned 20 months on Sunday and is just this little ham! She makes me laugh, she makes me mad, haha everything your kids are supposed to do!
This morning I had a head ache so I laid down on the couch, Kennedy gives me her blanky and lays her head down next to mine while standing. I asked her if she wanted to lay next to me and she started to climb up the couch so I helped her and she snuggled right in. She is definitely not a snuggler, ether am I so I just loved it. She laid there sucking her thumb and would turn her head towards me and say “Mama, Mama”. I would say “yes?” and she would close her eyes again. The cuddling lasted maybe 5 minutes, but it made me love you a billion times more!
I started watching a little girl in my town for about two hours everyday after school to make some much needed money for saving for Kennedy to be able to do things, like dance class or even a pre k. It’s not fun to have to leave her and my husband everyday, the first week was hard for her. Napping went totally not like normal, but I’m happy to say this week it’s back to normal!
I’ve been busy with photography and I just love it so much, I’m working hard for the days when I can make that my main income and not have to have a stinkin side job, but you have to do what you have to do.
I still go to therapy once a week, I have really been working hard at talking out my feelings, letting little things go, not attaching the past to present things, and being a better wife and mother. I have to say that one day at therapy I mentioned how I was sitting rubbing Kennedy’s back and it made me sad because I never got that from my mother and missed that affection, but made me happy that I could now give it to Kennedy. Today though I think I realized why it made me sad. As Kennedy lay with me today I thought how amazing it was, to be her mother, to feel her love, and I thought how sad it was that because my mother was never around she never got to feel that. She never got to feel love and attention from her children. That’s sad.
What a fun day this is going to be…
Last night my husband saw something on the floor, it was my cat’s canine tooth. I automatically panicked. My poor baby, he can’t tell me he’s in pain and now a trip to the vet. The place he hates most, not to mention he hates being in the car too. Last time we went to the vet (5 years ago, he’s an inside cat so i really don’t see much point spending loads of money on things he doesn’t need) he was so out of control they had to wear huge brown gloves up to their elbows and when that didn’t work they had to sedate him. With no one to watch my 12 month old I will have her in tow. I’m kinda hoping that its been so long and it’s a new vet he won’t be so bad… Please :-/
Happy Birthday Kennedy! A whole entire year has gone by since you were born, how amazing is that? Yesterday was your birthday and what a great day it was.
I wanted to start a tradition with you that hopefully we will be able to do every year and that’s going out to breakfast. We made it out yesterday in the rain to this little cafe in town. We shared banana bread french toast, (it was sooo yummy!) turkey sausage, and a scrambled egg with cheddar cheese. After I let you look out the window and walk around, you had such a blast! Daddy had work, but when he got home we gave you your present a Doc Mcstuffin Dr kit and you played with it all night! We also got you this really awesome princess castle, but I think Blink liked it more than you!
This month you learned so many things, it’s quite amazing how many things you can do now and how much of a little person you are becoming! I even looked at you this morning, the morning after your birthday and I feel like you look like a big kid now! It makes me so happy, but a little sad because well I really don’t know. You will always be my daughter, but you will grow up and not be my baby anymore. I will miss these days.
Anyway, this month you started walking! You can now clap your hands and when I ask you where’s your head?, where’s your toes? you pat your head and touch your toes! (so cute!)
I decorated the house for your birthday with some homemade banners and when you woke up from your nap one day after I put them up I showed you them and said “it’s almost your birthday! It’s almost your birthday” and clapped and put my hands up. Now when I say anything with the word birthday you walk into the kitchen and look at the banners! (Oh my gosh how cute?!)
You now look and come to me when you get hurt, you drink out of a sippy cup with a straw and a kids cup with a straw. You still eat really well, this month we tired-
- cheese and broccoli quesadilla
- taco meat
- split pea soup
- peanut butter
You now like eggs if I make them with cheese and you eat Mama’s cereal sometimes!
This month you had your very first cold :-( then Mama caught it and then Daddy caught it. You came down with it on Christmas eve so you weren’t to excited on Christmas. We had a great day though and spent it with all of our family. You also had your first stomach bug! You got this a couple days after New Years, Aunt Patty and cousin Katie also got it so I’m assuming that’s where you got it, Mama and Daddy didn’t catch that one from you thank goodness.
Your temper is coming out more and more! When you get mad now you bite things or bang your head against the wall. I try to ignore it as best I can, but I still tell you that you are going to hurt yourself if you do that. You get mad when you don’t get what you want, when you step on something and it hurts, or when something just makes you mad. I know it can be frustrating being a baby and I just tell you “it’s ok to get mad, it will be ok”.
You are just who you are and even though “you really where me out, but I love you anyway” (Olivia book reference lol) I couldn’t imagine my life without you and I love love love you so very much!
Love you always,
Sometimes I fear that no matter how hard I try to be a good mother Kennedy will still grow up to hate me. Nothing has come easy with her, everything is always a fight. From getting her diaper changed to eating to going to the store. I guess a lot of kids hate those things tho right? I think sometimes all I do is make her do things she doesn’t want to do like eat oatmeal, you can’t just eat pancakes you need the iron in the oatmeal baby. Getting your diaper changed is to help you avoid getting diaper rash on your sensitive tush! These things become fights that are so draining day in and day out and with kicking and screaming its become less and less fun. I’m trying to stay relaxed… I’m trying. I know a lot has to do with my parents and how I have many many issues with them, I have to remember to stay separate and know that I’m not my parents, it’s just hard sometimes.
We’ve also all been sick in the household, which hasn’t been fun. Kennedy started acting super crabby last Monday and was sick by Christmas. We felt so bad, her first cold and on Christmas. She was so out of it. She still has a cough but seems better, still crabby. I had 102 fever early Friday morning, but I’m feeling a lot better now.
Yes I totally used the TV and high hair as a babysitter when I took a ten minute shower this morning. Problems of a late sleeping baby, most likely means no morning nap.
P.s. so excited to go to my Aunts this weekend and celebrate Christmas with them and Kennedy! She’s going to have so much fun :-)
Happy 11 months!
I swear I can see you changing into a toddler right in front of my eyes. It’s truly crazy how things have changed in just 11 months.
This month we celebrated Daddy’s birthday and Thanksgiving. We went to Aunt Bonnie’s house and later after your second nap went to Aunt Terry’s house. You had a great day and did a really good job staying awake for most of the day.
We put up a small Christmas tree this year on top of our little end table so you can’t knock it over or play with it. We just found it easier than telling you not to touch the big tree all the time. You like all the lights and love all the musical Christmas things we have up. We had our first snow of the season and you loved it! I brought you outside to see the snow and picked some up for you and you put it right in your mouth! We met Santa and you weren’t too fond of him when he started talking to you. The only picture Mommy got was you crying, but that’s a classic picture and I wouldn’t want it any other way.
You are still a good napper, taking two naps a day. One in the morning around 8:30 and one around 1:30. Bedtime is around 7:30 and you wake up anywhere from 6-7, usually on the earlier side.
You pretty much eat everything now. You tried a candy cane during your Christmas pictures and oh boy were you hyper after that! I can’t really think of anything you don’t like to eat. You love my cooking so that makes me happy :-) I have been putting some cows milk with your formula and sometimes just in a cup and you love it so I don’t think we will have any problem stopping formula next month. I’m trying to find the right cup for you to drink from so we can stop the bottle, but with a bottle I know you are getting enough liquids. Unlike with a cup you only drink a little or spit it out… not to sure how we are going to do this.
Love you baby girl <3
Last night a friend and I went to a painting pottery place! I had so much fun, but find it hard to pick one thing to paint and how to decorate it. I want to go back and paint more, it was a great way to destress. They also have a mommy and me painting I would like to do. Not sure how Kennedy would like it, but could be a mommy date with a friend!