Mama to be...

My mother’s day gifts :-)

Tue, 14 May 2013 10:06:14 -0400

My mother’s day gifts :-)

My first mother’s day breakfast!

Tue, 14 May 2013 10:04:22 -0400

My first mother’s day breakfast!

Happy 4 months baby girl!

Tue, 14 May 2013 09:17:10 -0400

Wow I can now say that I have gotten to the point of “I can’t believe you’re 4 months already!” It seems like just yesterday you were having crying fits and I was pulling my hair out. Haha but I love you so it was all worth it.

Since last month you have been smiling a lot more, you do this big open mouth smile that I just love! I have gotten you to laugh about three times and the same thing never works twice. You must have the most amazing laugh that you keep holding out for us because you know we can’t take it. You now spit sometimes which I find cute, but I’m sure one day it will become something I tell you not to do and you keep doing because you think it’s funny. You hate laying down whether on your stomach or back, how can you see the whole world that way? You’d rather be standing (you love to stand) or held so you can see everything around you.

You have been exclusively a breast milk baby for 4 months! I started to give you 1 Tbs of rice cereal to get you used to eating with a spoon and you did such an amazing job! You open your mouth like you’re ready, it is very cute and exciting! After your 4 month check up the scale said that you haven’t gained any weight since your 2 month check up so the Dr wants me to give you two bottles a day and go back next week to see if you gained any weight. I have to admit I felt disappointed and sad. I was so happy that I could feed you and supply you with everything you need. But God has a plan for everything and I will just have to trust him and do what I think is best. The thing is you hate formula! You make the most disgusted face, but who could blame you? That stuff tastes gross!

You have grown 2 inches in 2 months! You are now 24 inches long.

SLEEP- You loveee to sleep and it seems have worked past the dreaded 30 minute sleep cycles. We still swaddle you for now, but are leaving one arm out this week and the other arm out the next week to see how you do. You now sleep from 7:30pm till around 7am! What an accomplishment! You are still inconsistent with naps but that’s okay! You give Mommy enough sleep at night, thank you. You have found your thumb and I think that was the big game changer. Tho I’m not looking forward to the day we have to break you of that habit.

We have done a lot this month and I couldn’t be more proud! We went on our first adventure to the mall together and I was so nervous you would scream and cry but you fell asleep! So we have been going on trips to the mall, parks, and stores no problem now a days.

You now hate having your diaper changed, clothes changed and you cry the whole time we do your baby massage :-( That makes me quite sad because you used to love it and smile at me the whole time. I try and make it as quick as possible, but you need to get lotion so your skin doesn’t dry out.

You had 4 shots yesterday at your checkup and you cried as to be expected. We are still massaging your tear ducts all the time and hope they get better soon.

I think that’s all for now, love you baby girl!

Robot Love: :-(

Tue, 14 May 2013 08:48:50 -0400

Robot Love: :-(:

fruitsoflabor:

sommymommy:

Just got back from Kennedy’s 4 month check up and she hasn’t gained any weight in two months. The Dr wants me to supplement two bottles a day for a week and come back to see if she has gained weight. She also doesn’t poop for sometimes a week. She is growing length and head…

Please note that I’m no pediatrician, nor lactation consultant. Just a mom training to be a doula…,

1. Did the ped use the WHO growth chart? http://www.cdc.gov/growthcharts/who_charts.htm

2. What are you or your partner like? If you’er small, is it possible that your baby is small?

3. Are you feeding on demand?

4. If you really, really want to continue breast feeding exclusively seek a second opinion. Like NOW.

5. Supplementing, from everything I’ve read, is going to do nothing for your supply, but deplete it.

6. If all else fails, YOU haven’t. :)

Thanks so much for the advice! It’s not that she’s small, it’s that she hasn’t gained any weight from her two month check up and isn’t pooping. She poops once every 5-8 days and its very liquidy. I looked on that growth chart and she’s in the 50% range for breastfed babies so I’m not worried that she is too small. I was small as a child and so was my husband till we hit 9-10 years old and got chubby. She eats on demand, sleeps through the night (7:30pm-7am). Has plenty of wet diapers. I’m going to start pumping after each feeding and make those lactation cookies.

The other thing is she hates all formula! Who wouldn’t it tastes like crap and not near as good as my milk. I had to cut dairy out so she can’t have milk based and that is the only one that tastes sweet like my milk.

:-(

Mon, 13 May 2013 13:55:23 -0400

Just got back from Kennedy’s 4 month check up and she hasn’t gained any weight in two months. The Dr wants me to supplement two bottles a day for a week and come back to see if she has gained weight. She also doesn’t poop for sometimes a week. She is growing length and head circumference wise but not weight. I feel like I failed. I know it’s not my fault but I still feel like I failed. Anyone have any suggestions or tips? Anything?

Life.

Tue, 07 May 2013 08:41:21 -0400

Life.

Teething?

Fri, 03 May 2013 14:49:28 -0400

How do you know when a baby is teething?

Our first photo booth picture :-)

Thu, 02 May 2013 08:51:09 -0400

Our first photo booth picture :-)

Week 15

Thu, 02 May 2013 08:42:27 -0400

This week has been busy to say the least. We took K to the eye Dr AMD she showed me how to properly massage the tear ducts, I was doing it totally wrong and not near as hard as I should have. It’s pretty gross, I do it while feeding K. It’s pretty much the only way she will let me touch her face (thank you boobies) and it looks like a slug coming out from under her eye lashes… Gross.

I took K to the mall by myself twice in less then a week! We’ve walked to target and through the parks. She has slept through a couple nights without needing a feeding, but now wakes at 6 am. Joy!

Since yesterday K has really found her thumb! It’s so weird to see her suck it like a normal kid haha because she still looks like a little baby.

Things were worked out with my sister and problems have started again with the mother in law, but going to therapy has really helped.

Husband has work this weekend and I have two photo shoots on Sunday. Busy busy weekend.

Texts from my sister...

Wed, 24 Apr 2013 14:31:00 -0400

B: I have seen k 4x and dad 3x. You don’t want us to see her fine. You want us to only see her on your terms no matter how unreasonable. And even though we didn’t smoke, and changed out clothes, and give her to you, and respect the naps…and we have respected EVERYTHING you say and you still punish us. You’re the one that hates us. No matter what we do to respect what you asked, it’s never good enough. Do you know Sunday, daddy wanted a pic of all of us with k. And k and tommy spent the whole day in the bedroom Sara. That was the first time we were all together and you made it very apparent it didn’t mean jack shit to you. I do not hate you. I love you. But I am not going to be like aunt Kathy and grandma and chase and chase to see her. It didn’t work for them with us. And dad keeping us away he made the deductions regarding HIS kids hurt us too. You are repeating history and you don’t even see it

B: You don’t ask me how I am. You don’t ask how dad is. You’re consumed with you. You don’t invite us over. You are alienating us and you don’t even see it. I’ve been asking to give k a bottle since she was born! Have you once let me? Nope. K cries for 2 seconds and you yank her away from dad. You are pushing the only family you have away and for the life of me I don’t know why when all we have done IS FOLLOW WHAT YOU HAVE SAID

I didn’t know that not wanting my baby around cigarettes and their carcinogens or not wanting her around a house that pot is being smoked in is unreasonable…

I didn’t know that I was supposed to keep my baby awake so you could all get enjoyment out of her while I sit on the couch cringing as she screams and cries because she is tired and hasn’t slept well.

I didn’t know that I’m supposed to ignore my baby as she sits on my father’s knee screaming looking at me with “help me” eyes as my dad plays a pot card game and does nothing to get her to stop screaming.

I didn’t know having a baby meant it was everyone else’s baby in every family that my husband and I belong to.

I breast feed for the 1000 time, if I give K a bottle I have to pump… sorry I don’t want to pump at your house or if I don’t have to just so YOU can give her a bottle.

If we are always having friends and family over to see Kennedy, when do we get to enjoy her and be our own family? Why is everyone so possessive of her, yet they have a hard time doing whats right for her?

And I’m sorry that life with a newborn is harder then I thought and I’m struggling just to keep my head above the water and go to therapy once a week now because I was on the edge of breaking. I’m sorry that I’m trying to take care of myself so I can be a good mother to K.

I’m not sorry that I’m putting her first.

To the Dr's we go... Again.

Fri, 19 Apr 2013 13:27:58 -0400

I noticed k’s right eye looked puffy and swollen on Wendsday, so we waited a day to see if it would get better, but it didn’t so we called the Dr later wendsday and she told us to put the ointment on again and see if that helps. Well its still puffy and swollen and gooey stuff is still coming out of it so back to the Dr we go. Sigh I hope its nothing serious, I was hoping the clogged tear duct would go awayvon its own and I don’t know if thatvis what’s causeing this.

I just love pants under onsies!

Thu, 18 Apr 2013 12:39:59 -0400

I just love pants under onsies!

Happy 3 months baby girl!

Sun, 14 Apr 2013 15:16:24 -0400

Today you are 3 months baby! we celebrated today by taking your monthly pictures and going for a walk to the park. Maybe next month you will be able to go in a swing at the park!

You are becoming a champ at falling asleep on your own! But those darn sleep cycles are killing us! Poor girl can’t make it past the 30 minute mark in the nap department which is making you overtired and cranky. You are a pro at night time sleep, getting up for one feeding a night and sleeping till 6:30-7:30. We have started a nap routine this past week that includes, feeding, swaddle, a short story, three verses of twinkle twinkle little star, and then we put you down and turn on your glow sea horse and you drift off to dream land. Sometimes it takes you a little bit of fussing but never more then 20 minutes. The staying asleep part is the problem.

You are still only drinking breast milk! Yeah for you and Mommy! You take a bottle when we give it to you (thank goodness!) Mommy did let you taste a banana she was eating last week and you didn’t make a funny face so hopefully you will like them when it’s time to eat!

You have been babbling a lot more lately and when we read our books I think you know what the words are by now (we read them everyday) and you like to read along. You smile when you aren’t tired and we have heard a couple giggles! Today while taking pictures at the park for some reason you gave your first big belly laugh! Daddy and I laughed so hard, we don’t know what made you laugh but it was the best thing to hear you laugh so hard.

You started to notice your cat this month and have been a little distracted while eating lately. I’ve heard that only gets worse!

Well until next month baby girl.

Love you forever and ever!

Taking care of myself...

Fri, 12 Apr 2013 10:28:25 -0400

Yesterday was my first appointment with my therapist. “My thaerapist” I can actually say that I go to see a therapist. It’s something I’ve always wanted to do, but never took the next step to actually going. It went well and I’m glad I went. For now I will go once a week, maybe it will always be once a week, I’m not to sure. But I look forward to where this path will take me.

Some things she told me for dealing with ppd is,
One, make sure I’m getting enough sleep.
Two, EAT! Make sure that I am eating enough and three meals a day.
Three, exersise, get outside and get fresh air.
She also told me that I need to separate my feelings from K, meaning she is not me. She isn’t crying because of what happened between my mother and I. She isn’t crying because of years of abbandonment and she doesn’t have the same parents I had.

That really made sense to me, I don’t want K to ever feel the way I did growing up and not having my mother around and she won’t because I’m not my mother, and she has two loving parents that are here for her.

Thank you lord for everything you have given me and everything you haven’t. Please keep me strong as I work through this bummpy road.

30 minute naps?

Wed, 10 Apr 2013 11:05:33 -0400

Is anyone else going through this? Now even when K naps on me she wakes up crying after 30 minutes and won’t fall back asleep when she’s obviously still tired. This has been going on two weeks :-( I don’t know what to do, any advice? Anyone…

A lot has happened this weekend...

Mon, 08 Apr 2013 15:51:23 -0400

People don’t understand why we are keeping our daughter away from people who smoke cigarettes, and are annoyed with US about it because it inconveniences them. Whether it be because they have to change their shirt to hold her, or can’t smoke in their own house because we are coming over with her.

If it is so hard then don’t ask us over and don’t hold her! But don’t get mad when we don’t come over anymore and don’t get mad when we won’t let you hold her. She is our baby, our child and we make the rules with her, if you don’t like it there’s the door.

I’m so tired of my dad and sister (smoking pot and my dad cigarettes too) and my MIL smoking cigarettes and us telling everyone since wayyyy before she was born that this was how we were going to be with her. If you can’t not smoke for 1-3 hours while you see her, then you obviously don’t want to see her that bad. Get over it we’re not going to change. I’ve been anti smoking since I can remember and my husband as well so to bad.

Another reason my MIL is driving me insane and my husband as well, is we live in a two family house and they live below us. Every time we go out she is ether running to the door or standing waiting at the door to see K. It annoys us because it’s so overbearing and not natural. We want K to know her family unit as Mommy, Daddy, and K. Not Mommy, Daddy, k, and Nanna. She wants it to be like that but it will not be like that.

Sometimes I feel like I birthed this baby for my husband’s family, like they think of K as their’s. It’s so annoying and hurtful, I don’t like even being around or seeing them, especially his mother.

I just called and set up an appointment for my PPD for Thursday at 4pm. I hope taking to her helps me. I’ll continue to pray as well. I just hope something works.

You know what really ticks me off...

Sat, 06 Apr 2013 18:07:07 -0400

The fact that my husband’s mother and family keep questioning my breastfeeding K. “Are you producing enough? Maybe you need to give her formula or put rice cereal in a bottle” or ” is she getting enough breast milk?”
Seriously? She’s growing, she’s healthy, she has chubby little legs and has plenty of wet and poopy diapers.

She cries because she’s fucking tired because she slept 3 naps 30 minutes each today. She is not a good naper!

She is not hungry and she does not have gas! She’s TIRED!

GOSH MY MIL IS DRIVING ME CRAZY! SHE THINKS THIS BABY IS HER’S.
To much to type now that’s a whole nother post.

Guess mommy’s not gonna take a poop today :-/

Fri, 05 Apr 2013 11:25:26 -0400

Guess mommy’s not gonna take a poop today :-/

Baby girl!

Thu, 04 Apr 2013 11:37:32 -0400

Yesterday I put K in her swing before the sleepy signs and guess what she fell asleep on her own! She did this all three naps yesterday! Grant you she didn’t sleep very long, 20-30 min she still fell asleep on her own! Today I have gotten her down again for two naps so far, the first one was an hour and then she woke up crying, it was about time for her to eat so I just got her up, but she was crabby and definitely wanted more sleep. Nap number two I put her in the swing she cried her tired cry as soon as I was swaddling her, then in her swing she whined and yawned 8 times rubbed her left eye and after 13 min fell asleep on her own! She woke up after 30 min crying so I went over and shhed and patted and she calmed down, started the whining tired cry, yawned 3 times, rubbed her left eye and after about 13 min her eyes were closed and here we are. She still keeps fussing and will let out a cry but her eyes are closed.

I’m so proud of her! I keep clapping and telling her she did it when she wakes up and give her lots of kisses! I hope she understands that she’s doing a good job.

When she wakes up were gonna go on a nice walk!

A giggle!

Wed, 03 Apr 2013 20:25:57 -0400

K definitely did a giggle today when I was playing with her but she scared herself and wouldn’t do it again. Daddy was home too so he got to hear it and got a little teary eyed. Aww hope she starts laughing soon!