I can’t believe it’s been six months edit 5 months, it seems so much longer.  I thought I would have been pregnant by now but I guess god has other plans for me as of yet.

It makes me feel sad when I think about six months ago and where I was, I try not to think about it often.  Although I love that show Long island medium. 

On the first episode she asked a lady in the grocery store if someone lost a baby and the lady said her sister.  Theresa said “well I just want you to know that your grandmother is coming forward holding the baby and they are all together”

I had to leave the room, I couldn’t even keep it together, like now writing about it I can’t even see the screen through my tears.  ( I guess I know the buttons on the key board pretty well!)

That’s all I could ask for is my mom and grandmother who passed are with my little one.  It would make me the happiest person in the world to know that they have a part of me.  I just miss them so much and wish they were here. 

Hi all!

So I definitely ovulated.  I think late Saturday because I had cramping around 10-10:30 at night and I had the last little bit of Egg white cm Sunday morning.  My temp shot up this morning 97.7!

So now begins the two week wait! Excited and nervous, I want nothing more then to tell my husband he’s going to be a dad again.  He told me he thinks about our angel everyday and it makes me sad for him that he had such a hard time with it.  I just hope in two weeks I’ll be able to make him happy again.

Yes I finally got Af.  107 days after my miscarriage.

Today is cycle day 99 or 6 dpo. My temp has been up for the past 6 days which means that I did in fact ovulate and it means by body finally got back to normal and I didn’t have an anovulatory cycle like I thought I was having.

I don’t know what caused me to have such a long cycle, I guess I was really depressed and stressed out and was in denial about it all. But it seems once I said okay let it do it’s own thing I ovulated.

At first I was so excited that we bd and the next day husband said “let’s do it again so we can make sure we get a baby” But now I’m having second thoughts. Second thoughts on is the egg going to be bad quality and will we have another miscarriage?

This is a thought that I can’t help but think about and it scares me a lot. What if I made the wrong decision by not waiting till this cycle was over… But I mean I waited 93 days just to ovulate so I feel like I waited enough but still, I’m nervous.

All I can do is pray and hope that god will take care of me.

Umm Hello?! I told my husband two days ago after I wrote my last entry that I was not going to worry about it anymore and just let my body work itself out because I would have to go on bc or something and I really don’t want to go on anything.

So I said fuck it I’ll just wait till my body is ready and stop stressing and thinking about it. Husband agreed and said “yea just keep taking opks” I was like whatever if I take them I take them.

So I decided to take one around 11 before I got in the shower, he was running to the store to get salad for lunch and said “oh you took a opk and a pregnancy test? which one is the smiley face?” I was like no freakin way!

The line was suppper dark so idk…

I don’t know how much more i’m going to post on here.  Nothing is or has been changing for me.  I’m on cd 91, my 7th day of spotting.  Still low temps so I still haven’t ovulated.

I’ve read online about estrogen breakthrough bleeding which is when you have an anovulatory cycle and your estrogen levels never get to the point of making you ovulate but eventually you can’t hold the uterinelining anymore so you shed it as old brown blood.  I’m pretty sure that is going on with me.

I emailed a new doctor yesterday and explained my situation and asked what I should do next, wait more or what.  She said it would be best to come in and get an exam and blood work to see if its something hormonal as to why I haven’t gotten my period yet. 

I’m almost positive it is and she is going to put me on birth control to make me get back on track.

Ah yea birth control is the last thing a ttc woman wants to take. I mean come on.

So maybe I’ll update when I go see her and if I’m on bc there is no real point to me coming on here for a while….